Conservative Q&A
Q: Does this mean that the terrorists have now won?
A: Yes. The legislation formally surrenders the United States to al Qaeda.
Q: But I don't want to surrender. Is there anything I can do?
A: The only hope is to get your state to secede from the US, which is the only logical path for a patriot who loves America. 50 independent countries is the true desire of the Founding Fathers.
Q: Is this worse than when we lost the fight against civil rights?
A: Yes. This completely destroys America as we know it.
Q: But we were told that Social Security, banking regulations to prevent another Great Depression, entering WWII, Medicare and civil rights would all destroy America, yet somehow America survived. Are you sure this healthcare reform will really destroy America?
A: Yes. This time we REALLY mean it.
Q: Will this raise my taxes?
A: Yes. George W. Bush made taxation illegal. All taxation would have ended the moment he left office, had President Obama not mandated that we become the highest taxed nation in the history of the planet. Healthcare reform triples this record level. (it was going to quadruple taxation, but polling suggested that not enough people knew what "quadruple" meant)
Q: Are we now a socialism, communism, dictatorship or part of Europe?
A: All of the above. All of those terms polled very negatively, so you can use them interchangeably when talking about anything President Obama does, from healthcare, to creating jobs, to rescuing the economy, to what he has for lunch.
Q: How long does my grandma have?
A: This legislation has already killed her, just like we warned you.
Q: My grandparents are already deceased, so they're safe from the "kill grandma" edict, right?
A: No. Through evil medical research that uses stem cells and a pact with Satan, the new legislation will bring deceased ancestors back to life so they can be immediately killed.
Q: My only concern is opposing abortion, and this reform prevents use of federal funds to support abortion. Therefore, I shouldn't care too much, right?
A: No, do not read the actual bill under any circumstances. You must accept on faith that this legislation mandates that forced abortions will occur on a nationwide scale and will be funded by your 401(k).
Q: We had complete control for 6 years. How come we simply didn't make abortions illegal? After all, it could have been done any day, with a one-page bill.
A: Obama is evil, he is the anti-Christ, he is the reincarnation of Hitler. All Democrats are his demons and are reincarnations of SS officers. Your question has been answered.